


He Could Pretend

by undernightlight



Series: Gays in Space [14]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Friends With Benefits, M/M, Poor Chris Pike, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-10-29 17:51:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20800523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/undernightlight/pseuds/undernightlight
Summary: He lay there, quiet, like he had so many mornings, exhausted from the night’s previous exploits. He never intended to develop and attraction to Ash Tyler, but it seemed he didn’t really have a choice.“I know you’re awake,” Ash’s voice came out, dry, “There’s no point in pretending you’re not. You’re not exactly subtle and I’m not an idiot.”





	He Could Pretend

**Author's Note:**

> Not really sure where this came from, but thought it'd be an interesting concept to explore? I don't know, I like it I guess. If you've read 'At Your Pace', then you might recognise some of the text because it's a direct copy, save any spelling/grammar corrections I spotted.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy something a little different for this pairing.

When Chris woke up, his arms were wrapped around a warm body, making a lazy smile from across his face. The gentle snores coming from the man in front of him was a welcomed sound, Chris so used to waking up in silence and cold, Ash already awake, either putting on his shoes to leave or already gone. He was a late sleeper when he didn’t have work, and Ash was an early riser regardless; Chris never had the opportunity to wake up with Ash still wrapped in his arms.

He lay there, quiet, like he had so many mornings, exhausted from the night’s previous exploits. He enjoyed what they had, this mutually beneficial, casual thing that refused to be labelled - was it really friends with benefits if Chris wasn’t sure they were even friends - but he knew it couldn’t last forever, especially with how things were going for him. He never intended to develop and attraction to Ash Tyler, but it seemed he didn’t really have a choice. If asked what he was attracted to, he wasn’t even sure if he could say, yet he wanted something so much more than stress relieving sex.

Whether Ash knew about these feelings or not, Chris couldn’t say. He’d tried not to let his feelings show, but he knew he did a poor job.

There was a groan from the man in his arms, and Ash began to stretch out. Chris froze, not sure how to proceed in new territory. Ash carefully pulled himself from Chris’ grip, and he let it happened, forcing his face blank and eyes closed. He could hear the heavy footsteps and shuffling of clothes for a few moments, not daring to open his eyes. Soon, Ash would leave and he’d be alone and again, and he could continue to analyse his mess of emotions in peace.

“I know you’re awake,” Ash’s voice came out, dry, “There’s no point in pretending you’re not.”

Chris slowly opened his eyes, keeping every other aspect still. Ash was stood above him, gaze firm, already dressed in trousers. Once Ash seemed satisfied, he turned away to sit on the desk chair and pull on his boots.

“Good mornin’,” Chris said, adjusting the cover around his body, still watching Ash, whose attention was on his shoes.

“Morning.”

“Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah, you?”

“Yeah, I slept good.” Maybe if they’d done this before, the conversation wouldn’t be so awkward. On the few occasions Ash was still dressing when Chris woke up, it was silent with a quick goodbye as Ash left his quarters. They’d never met at Ash’s place, and Chris had a strong feeling that was deliberate, but there wasn’t much he could do about it. “Do you have anything to do today? Meetings?” Ash shook his head no. “Then, you know, you could always stay a little longer. It’s still pretty early.”

Ash stopped dead, hand hovering by his boot zipper, before quickly returning to the task, freezing for a couple seconds only. “I don’t think that’d be a good idea.”

“Why not?” Ash didn’t answer and continued to get dressed, pulling on his t-shirt. Chris rolled onto his back but continued to watch. “Ash-”

“Don’t say it.”

“Say what?”

“Don’t say what we both already know because it’ll just make things worse for both of us.”

“You don’t know what I was going say.”

“Maybe not, but I know what it’d imply and I don’t need to hear it, and you don’t need to say it.” Chris fell silent, and their eyes met. Ash held it for a moment, before gathering his jacket from front of the bathroom door. “You’re not exactly subtle and I’m not an idiot.” He pulled his jacket on.

Chris wasn’t sure what to say, still laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, being far more vulnerable that he’d like, though he couldn’t help but feel like it was his own fault. He wasn’t supposed to become invested, it was only ever meant to be physical, but clearly he didn’t listen, wishing of scenarios where things were different, where they could go dancing, eat out at nice restaurants, take those cliche romantic walks along the beach at night, hand in hand. He was fooling in believing things could be different.

Eventually, “If you knew, then why didn’t you say anything?”

Ash was fully dressed when he popped back into Chris’ view. There was a long sigh before he responded, “You’re a good fuck. Look, we both benefit from this, it’s good for both of us, but if your feelings are getting in the way, we can call it off.” Ash paused for a moment, clearly thinking, and Chris gave him the time, waiting patiently. “No, we should… we should call it off.”

“We don’t have to.” Chris was still clinging. He knew Ash didn’t care for him like that, but what they had was the closest he would ever get and he didn’t want to lose that.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t trust you’d be able to keep your feelings separate from the action.” Ash was right. “It wouldn’t be fair on you to continue this, and you know that too.”

“Even if I say it’s okay?”

“Yes.” Ash adjusted his clothes one final time. “I’m sure I’ll see you around, I know the Enterprise is still in space dock for at least another month, but I’ll be leaving shortly.”

Chris propped himself to sit upright. “I didn’t know you were leaving so soon.” There was an expression on Ash’s face, and though Chris couldn’t place exactly what it was, he knew what it meant. “You’re going to ask to leave sooner, to get away, aren’t you?”

“It’ll be better for both of us.”

“I don’t know it will.”

With nothing else to say, Ash headed for the door. It swooshed open and closed and Ash was gone and Chris was alone. He shouldn’t be surprised, but it still hurt. He’d been foolish and naive to hope for something more than what they already had, but he’d at least hoped. Ash was a good man and Chris liked that, and part of him just wanted Ash to like him back he was able to overlook the fact that it was clear he wasn’t interested.

He sat there, debating whether it was worth getting up and showered and dressed, but he had nowhere to be, so instead quickly shuffled his way back down, pulling the duvet up to his neck and closing his eyes. He wouldn’t be sleeping anytime soon, but he could pretend, not that that had done him any good the past two months.

**Author's Note:**

> Was this a good difference or just sad because things didn't turn out happy? Who knows, but I kinda enjoyed writing this, though I know it's not my best work, but still.


End file.
